Painful Rejection
by Elladan Seregon
Summary: Shitty reject drabbles. Most of them will have outright or hinted LXRaito. If you decide to read them, I hope you enjoy! AU, OOCness, unmarked spoilers, and swearing abound. Also, feel free to prompt me whenever.
1. Normalcy

_Normalcy_

"Because Raito-kun is the first friend I've ever had." L says it so calmly, but it startles Raito so badly. Ryuuku makes a surprised noise behind him.

"Yeah… I also feel that Ryuuzaki is an irreplaceable friend." He gives a friendly smile that covers his shock well.

And later, sitting on his bed, in his room, safe from L's eyes and—most importantly—Misa, he wonders why he doesn't just give up. Why he doesn't march over to the hotel, hold his hands out to L, and say, "I'm Kira."

L knew as well as he did that half the time he was lying anyways, and yet he continued to do so. They both knew it. Hell, it might even be worth the look of surprise and suspicion that would undoubtedly come over L's eyes. None of that would be in the detective's plans at all.

He lay back with his hands behind his head and looks at the Death Note, which is sitting on his desk. For a startling moment he thinks that he may have just dreamed up everything; the lies, the criminals, Kira, L... It feels just like when he first looked over at the Death Note from his bed, scoffing at the mere idea of a notebook of death. So normal. He hadn't really felt normal in a long time.

But then he looks over at the shinigami munching quietly—for once—on an apple. Heaving a sigh, he gets up, heading out the door, knowing that it isn't a dream and that he can't go back to being a normal young genius in high school with straight A's in all his honors courses.

"Stay here." he says to the shinigami, who pulls out another apple to munch on. Ryuuku gives a noise that sounds like a cross between an "uh-huh" and a euphoric moan of ecstasy.

Raito leaves the house with the Death Note tucked safely into the waistband of his pants, saying briefly to his mom that he's going to the store for some more barbecue chips (_More lies_, he thinks to himself, slightly aggravated). When he's outside, he walks purposefully towards the current hotel L was staying in, wanting nothing more that to just end it all.

Upon approaching it, though, he comes to a halt, uncertain. …Could he really do this? Could he really give himself up so easily? After all the months of planning and lying and killing, could it be so easy to just throw it all away…? He sighs and stands there, wondering, looking at the cracked concrete which is covered with dead leaves.

"Raito-kun…?" inquires a voice softly. Startled, he jerks his head up, meeting eyes with a certain raccoon detective. "You've been standing out here for an hour, Raito-kun." Raito looks at his watch, which confirms L's words.

"Ah, sorry," he says with an embarrassed smile that he discovers is real. "I must have gotten caught up in my thoughts."

"What where you thinking of?" prompts the detective curiously, pressing the pad of his thumb to his teeth.

"Normalcy; it's dead." he mutters, inducing a small smile on the older man's face.

"Perhaps you'd like to come up and have a cup of normalcy, then?" L says, nodding in the direction of the hotel.

Raito laughs. "That would be wonderful!"

"That would be normal." Ryuuzaki—for now, Ryuuzaki—says, walking alongside Raito.

_-----_

These are just a bunch of my reject drabbles, okay? I call them that because I don't feel they're good enough, for some reason or another. This is the first of most likely many to come. Hope that you enjoyed if you decided to read it. I don't expect reviews, so don't feel obligated.


	2. My Porcelain Tears

_My Porcelain Tears_

He ducked his head, avoiding the eyes of the demons to hide his tears. He could hear chanting. _Kira! Kira! KIRA!_ A frown marred his disfigured face at the noise.

Kira should be—is-was-will be— dead, yet these mocking voices continued their mantra. He tried to focus on something else. Anything else would have done, but the shinigami continued on and he couldn't force himself the ignore it. It drilled into his head where it knocked his brain around, making him crazy with anger and fear.

_I'm not Kira anymore! I don't want to be! LEAVE ME ALONE!_

Raito started to run, found the movement to be odd in his new, stretched out body, and stretched his wings to fly instead. _Fuck you, I'm not Kira!_ Controlling the reddish wings that sprouted from his back came almost naturally, and in seconds the chanting had faded to only a dull buzz somewhere far behind him. He was just thankful that they weren't following.

Slowly, he touched down next to a dead tree, folding his wings back into his body in the process. There he dropped to his knees, digging sharp nails into the sandy wasteland of the shinigami realm as he clenched them. He punched the ground, frustrated at everything and nothing. He wasn't Kira, damn it! He used to be, but no longer! He was dead, and now he just didn't care. Let the earth rot! The thrill of becoming a god had died with L.

L.

Growling, he threw a fistful of black sand into the air. "I hate you." he mumbled to nothing, leaning over and pressing his head to the sad excuse that was called the ground here. "I hate you." He reiterated, just in case the landscape—what little there was to look at—wanted to hear. "I hate you." Again, this time to himself, and without much conviction. "If you hadn't fuckin died, I wouldn't be here."

He laid there, forehead pressed into the black sand, thinking of the detective who had thought so far ahead that his victory had been assured the moment they had started to work on the case together. How fucking infuriating, and how appropriate.

"Stupid raccoon."

In his mind, L said, with amusement in his eyes and words, "I am not of the _Procyonidae_ family, nor am I stupid, Raito-kun."

Tears—or whatever substituted for them when one is a shinigami—fell from blood red eyes, pure white in color. They solidified to porcelain, then shattered against the ground.

_------_

You know, for a drabble I'm posting on Valentine's Day, this sure is depressing. Whatever. Happy Valentine's Day. I don't really like VD much. I hope my uncle doesn't visit.


	3. He Watches Me

_He Watches Me_

When he first made that bold move by showing a proxy on TV and claiming Lind L. Taylor to be L, I knew that he was looking for me, waiting for me to slip up. Not for me specifically—not at first—but for Kira.

Then Ryuuku informed me of Raye Penber, who I wouldn't have been aware of otherwise. After that, the video cameras. All to see if I was really Kira.

But when I got my first glimpse of him—in the exam hall—I didn't know it, and even then, he suspected me.

Then there was the tennis match, right after the ceremony in which he formally introduced himself not as a pop star but as a world-renowned detective. His wide, black eyes were trained on me then, as well, as we both attempted to best each other. I still am not completely sure how I managed to beat him.

Later, in the café, as we sat and talked, he probed for information, stuff that only Kira would know, and I did slip up. I got so pissed at that, but now it doesn't matter.

Many events followed those, where he dissected my actions and reactions—the faked father-kills-son-then-kills-himself thing and of course being chained to him 24/7 stick out rather prominently in my mind—but they all pale in comparison to the level of observation he now pulls off.

Late at night, on the verge of sleep but still awake, he's there. I know he's dead, and has been dead for years, but that doesn't mean he doesn't haunt me. He's in my dreams and nightmares, the shadow in the corner, the phantom floating over my shoulder when I sit up at night drinking tea because I can't sleep with him _there._ I know he's dead, and will remain dead.

I know this all, but he watches me.

-----

I went on a two-day vacation. It sucked spectacularly. I should have just stayed home and skipped classes. I now officially despise phones of all kinds—but especially cell phones. The little bastards. Also, this drabble sucked spectacularly.


	4. RAOCD

_RAOCD_

Matsuda grinned, placing a box of chocolates in front of Ryuuzaki. Said detective blinked down at the pink box, in the shape of a heart.

"Valentine's was on the fourteenth, Matsuda-san." Ryuuzaki informed him, taking the box anyways—because, hey, free chocolate! Even if it had probably been sitting in the store for quite a few days now.

"I know!" Matsuda's grin, if possible, widened. "But I'm not celebrating that right now."

"Oh? Pray tell, what is it you _are _celebrating?" Ryuuzaki asked, as he followed Matsuda, who had moved onto Raito, and was handing him a paperback book.

"Hey, Matsuda!" Aizawa approached. "Here!" He shoved a milkshake into Matsuda's hand, who was now grinning like a maniac and shoving something else into Aizawa's hand as well. Ryuuzaki found that this all deeply disturbed him.

"I don't get it; Valentine's Day was on the fourteenth." Raito muttered, watching all of this with a bewildered face. Ryuuzaki nodded slightly in agreement, hoping for some answers.

"Oh, that's right, you guys don't know because you've never been with us on this day!" Aizawa said, clapping his hands. Raito and Ryuuzaki nodded, hoping again for an explanation.

"Matsuda does this every year, and he usually gets most of the police force to indulge as well." Raito's father appeared seemingly out of nowhere—because he is that badass and this is a very cracky drabble—with the explanation.

"Right, I didn't forget you!" Matsuda placed a really goofy hat on Souichirou's head, nodding. Souichirou just sighed in a way that said he was used to the hats, and would undoubtedly get another one next year. Matsuda coughed politely, gaining everyone's attention. "You have now all been victims of Random Acts of Charity Day! Please spread the love!"

_-----_

Yes, I am making this day as official as I possibly can! It's the third Tuesday of February. Give stuff, help someone, or share a hug with a stranger! I have committed three Random Acts of Charity so far, and would love if people indulged themselves by committing their own Random Acts of Charity! Please spread the love!

"_You have now been a victim of Random Acts of Charity Day! Please spread the love!"_


	5. Close

_Close_

Black-rimmed eyes met slightly widened brownish-red over the chain. They were wrapped tightly together, their faces inches apart—no, less than that. Think millimeters. And the chain trapped them like that, arms pinned to their sides and chests pressed against one another's (And chain digging in painfully).

"Raito-kun," Ryuuzaki said. "you're blushing."

And he was. Raito, despite being chained at the wrist to the insomniac, had never been so close to Ryuuzaki. They were touching even. But the former Kira wanted to touch a bit more. He leaned forward, lips seeking the detective's, and fell flat on his face.

Ryuuzaki, from his spot on the opposite side of the bed, looked questioningly at Raito.

"Dreams suck." Raito muttered into the carpet fibers.

**-----**

Happy Birthday, Raito-kun! flails happily February 28 is Raito's birthday! Rejoice, Raito fans! Rejoice! (Also, he's born on a leap year!)


End file.
